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Why We Should Care for Ourselves
David R Hamilton PhD

Many of us focus so much on caring for others that we forget to care for ourselves. But when we don’t take time out for ourselves it can be damaging to our health.

This is what a 2004 study of carers showed. Examining a group of carers who looked after chronically ill children, scientists at the University of California in San Francisco analysed samples of the carers’ DNA. They measured the length of their ‘telomeres’, which are end caps on DNA, much like the plastic end caps on shoelaces. As we age, our telomeres gradually shorten just as the end caps on shoelaces get worn down.

Measuring the length of telomeres is one of the most accurate ways of measuring the age of the body.

Studying the telomeres of 39 women who cared for chronically ill children and 19 women who were mothers to healthy children, they found that the telomeres of the most stressed carers were 15% shorter than those of the least stressed women. The scientists concluded that this degree of shortening was equivalent to at least a decade of extra aging.

A 2007 study of carers of Alzheimer’s patients found a similar thing. University of Ohio scientists studied the telomeres of 41 caregivers of Alzheimer’s patients and compared them with the telomeres of non-caregivers, once again finding that the caregivers had much shorter telomeres.

Giving too much can hurt us. It is important that we learn to care ourselves too. It doesn’t make us unkind. We’re not caring less for those who depend upon us. We’re not saying, “I matter more than you.’ We are simply caring for our own needs too, looking after our own health, so that we have more to give in future.

For people who give too much and are feeling tired or stressed, the question I always ask is, ‘If it was a friend or loved one who was in your position, what would you advise them?’ We know what to do but we rarely do what we know.

Think of it like blowing up a balloon. We give a full breath and the balloon begins to inflate. But what do we do next? Yes, we take in a large breath to enable us to put more air in the balloon. Kindness to ourselves is like taking a breath. It replenishes us so that we can give even more.

If we forget to take a breath we eventually have nothing more to give, and the balloon is left to deflate.

We help others more when we also care for ourselves.

Kindness can make the world a better place. But we must not forget ourselves in the list of who to show kindness too.

References:
For the 2004 study linking telomere length with chronic stress of looking after chronically ill children, see, E. S. Epel, E. H. Blackburn, J. Lin, F. S. Dhabhar, N. E. Adler, J. D. Morrow and R. M. Cawthorn, ‘Accelerated telomere shortening in response to life stress’, Proceedings of the National Academy of Science USA 101, 2004, 17312–15

For the 2007 NIH study linking telomere shortening with the chronic stress of looking after Alzheimer’s patients, see A. K. Damjanovic, Y. Yang, R. Glaser, J. Kiecolt-Glaser, H. Nguyen, B. Laskowski, Y. Zou, D. Q. Beversdorf and N-P. Weng, ‘Accelerated telomere erosion is associated with a declining immune function of caregivers of Alzheimer’s disease patients’, Journal of Immunology 179 (6), 2007, 4249–54

Both studies and more can be found in my book, ‘Why Kindness is Good for You’ (Hay House UK, 2009)

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